The eunuchs and I, in the train to Kolkata

At times, we react in a reflex. Without actually knowing why we did so. Then after a period of time a realization and deep understanding of the situation fills us with enlightenment. That can happen anytime, without even asking for it.

Something of that sort happened today with me. The incident and my reaction took place in 2001.
When I was in the second semester of my Mass Communication master degree course. That was in the month of June, and we were supposed to go Kolkata for our summer training. All of us in the group, who had their summer training arranged in organizations in Kolkata, decided to go by train, in the second class. So, we occupied a half of a compartment and started of with high spirit.

Specially I was very excited to have my first journey without the vigilance of parents, and that too with my friends! It was something which made me feel on cloud nine.

We were singing, chatting, and having all chttar-puttar from the passing by hawkers. Time was floating faster on the wheels. I was having an experience of life time, standing at the open doors of the compartment and feeling the whip lashes of quick wind.

When we reached Jalpaiguri, it was already dusk. We came back to our seats and were chatting. As the train stopped, we heard a raw, as if some people are breaking into our compartment. Within five minutes, the compartment was dumped with heavy sacks by a couple of eunuchs (hijras). They were abusing even the TT and the railway police...with dirtiest verbal and physical expression. I was abhorring the whole situation and cursing them, as everyone else in our compartment was doing.

After a while, all in the compartment kind of accepted the situation and settled down on their seats. I was watching the eunuchs very closely, in the yellow light of the compartment. That was my first encounter with eunuchs. A few male passengers were coming to them and talking in whispers. They were buying something discreetly from those three or four eunuchs. When all those secret deals were over, the eunuchs settled down on the sacks. (By the way, those sacks were of poppy seeds, they were smuggling it from certain parts of West Bengal).

Those three were lying down on the sacks, too tired to make any sound or movement.While I was watching them intently, I felt a pain in my heart. And then tears flowed down from my eyes, and I could not control my sobs, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Thankfully the sound of the iron wheels of the train were covering up from me. I could not sleep...staring outside to the darkness of the night, I wept and wept and wept. And I did not have any clue but what I was feeling. And I did not know why I was feeling so sorry, still I was crying and crying. A friend noticed, came near and asked what was wrong. I could not explain, and I knew it would be stupid to say that something from those eunuchs hit me hard. I tried to explain, but failed. That night I cried for a long time and went to sleep without knowing when.

Next morning, they were there, still sitting on the sacks. I felt tired while looking at them. The looked at me, in my eyes. And again I felt the same pain. This time I preferred to divert my mind, knowing that broad day light would not let me hide my tears.

The journey came to an end as usual. The summer training, fun with friends, everything was there. One question kept on bothering me...what was that pain, sorrow, that made me cry? I could not find an answer to that. And I thought I would never find and answer.

Like that my days passed. 5th March, 2012, when I was cooking, suddenly I realized with clarity, what made me cry. It was the a void, hopelessness, helplessness of the lives of those three eunuchs that made me cry. I did not, but my thousands years' old soul knew, how it is like to live in the body of a eunuch in the society. Unwanted, full of struggle, hopelessness, hatred and all which are nightmares to normal us. That time, I did not know a thing about how eunuchs live, what exactly was wrong with their body. But I was feeling tremendous pain. While my mind was questioning my heart, my soul knew the answer and so it reacted to those deprived souls' pain.

At times, our heart makes us act in stupid ways. When our logical mind does not have the answer, our soul does. We need to look within for answers...and listen to what it says. I felt great, when I knew that my soul is not ignorant of the eunuch's pain. It did experience the same pain, in some past life.

That is why when we say listen to your heart, it actually means listen to your wise soul. When we were kids, we could not understand why we were getting good scoldings, cautions from our elders. But when we grow up, we realize. Likewise, after growing up, we must learn to listen to our wise souls. Our souls are eternal, so is the wisdom. We can get all answers to our question from within us. Just know that your soul knows the answer and it will guide you to the right path. Have faith on you, the eternal you.